Dear Limber Chick in Low Rise Pants at Yoga Class,
Wow, that is a stylish outfit--I don't think I've ever seen such a low-cut gym top! You certainly are unique that way. Oh, you brought your own yoga block, too. I'm starting to intuit that you take yoga Very Seriously.
I noticed that you were sitting front and center, arching yourself into cobra pose and then trying to make eye contact with people in the mirrors. Yes, I am now thoroughly convinced that you are bendy. Perhaps now you would like to sit down and relax while we wait for class to start.
No? It's time for more poses? Okay. I guess I will just sit here and wait while you talk to the instructor about just how advanced you are. Perhaps this is part of being Very Good at Yoga. As I am not showing cleavage at Bally's today, I would not know.
You bring such a unique perspective! And--is that a lower back tattoo I see peeking out at your waistband? You are a very special lotus flower, indeed.
All best,
Stephanie
is there anyone in particular she's trying to impress? (i.e. attractive males w/ tribal tattoo bands around the arms?)
ReplyDeletehow do we know you're not just jealous?
lol
ReplyDeleteI know you're not just jealous because I feel the same regard toward ultra-bendy and ultra-needy yogini's in my classes too.
I'm all for the 'I look like a homeless person at the gym' attitude. That is probably why I like to run outside.
Whew. Nothing about a side ponytail.
ReplyDeleteBecause a side ponytail is BITCHIN'--which I say totally unironically.
ReplyDeleteAnd, no, no men come to the classes--I think they're scared off by the idea of having to simultaneously be as bendy as the ladies and not look at the bendy ladies. Plus yoga is totally gay, brah.
ReplyDeleteI love this. I don't feel so bad about disliking the show off beyotch in my dance class now. Every Saturday I'm right behind her thinking evil thoughts.
ReplyDeleteWell you should NEVER feel bad about that.
ReplyDelete